Attention Chiller/NBCUniversal

When you say "Your Watching Chiller" what, exactly do you mean? I've never owned a "Watching Chiller." I've owned a cooler, a refrigerator, a freezer, an air conditioner. I've even owned a fan. I might enjoy owning a Watching Chiller but I don't know what that is.

I am Psycho the Clown.

So, even if you tell us "Your Watching History of Horror Movie Marathon" I don't understand the statement. I don't recall ever owning a "Watching History of Horror Marathon" either.

Would you care to explain, Chiller? Because I'm interested.

Don't Crucify Me

It occurs to me, on this Good Friday, that many Christians in this world have very little idea what the Christ was all about. They run around acting exactly like the people they condemn, yet the only thing which really separates them is the fact that the Christians are praying to Jesus, and the Muslims are praying to Allah. Other than that, a fanatic is, pretty much, a fanatic, no matter what labels they put on themselves or each other.

I am Psycho the Clown.

This is going to be rather short because it's a rather simple point to make. For 2000 years Christians have been running around trying to prove something. Lot's of things, really, but they all add up to a big thing.

They keep trying to find Noah's Ark, to prove that the great flood really happened. Not that finding a piece of wood on a mountain top could ever actually prove there was a flood, or how long it lasted, or who built the boat, or what the cargo might have been, but they keep on trying.

They keep trying to prove that the Shroud of Turin is really the burial cloth of Jesus. Impossible to prove, but every few years you hear about some new test.

They have even gone so far as to declare, with no proof whatsoever, that science has it wrong, that the Earth and the entire universe are only 6,000 years old. Yeah. I have rocks in my back yard older than 6,000 years. Anyway, they are doing this so they can claim the Bible tells the literal truth of the beginnings of everything. One fallacy rests atop another.

Here's the thing: All of this is being done, even by people who have never considered this idea, in order to prove that Christianity has a right to exist in this world. That's all. That's it. And this is a stupid, jack-ass-ignorant thing to be trying to prove, 2000 years after the fact, because OF COURSE Christianity has a right to exist! This mass-inferiority complex is ridiculous and everyone in the Christian faith should know that by now.

You're part of one of the largest religious movements in the history of mankind! Get over it, and get on with being Christians. Stop railroading everyone who disagrees with you and just enjoy your faith, your fellowship with other Christians, your love of friends and family. Stop trying to convert everyone, including other Christians, to your way of thinking. This is all remarkably un-Christ-like of you.

Jesus talked about inclusion, not exclusion. He talked about acceptance, not rejection, condemnation, or even simple tolerance. Jesus, were he to actually come back today, would not recognize anything most of you do on a daily basis as being Christianity, but he'd accept you anyway.

Stop trying to prove everything you believe to be unarguable fact and learn to see it as Truth, instead. Truth doesn't need proof. Your beliefs don't need proof. You're entitled to them, and you don't have to justify them to me or anyone else.

Change is Here!

Today I am proud to be an American.

Today I am proud of my country once again.  I lost that eight years ago.

Today our long national nightmare is over.

Statement of Facts

George W. Bush is the most corrupt president in the history of this country. He has used the constitution to wipe his sorry ass one too many times for my personal taste, and his master, Big Dick Cheney, has laughed and sneered at anyone and everyone who bothered to question his self-serving decisions. And they've both profited, if indirectly, from the decisions they forced on the rest of us.  Well, eight years of this crap is plenty, folks. The time has come for a big change and Barrack Obama is just the man for the job.

I am Psycho the Clown.

I am not a Democrat. I am not a Republican. I have never claimed allegiance to either party but I certainly would never claim to a Republican after they threw up their hands in the '80s and just let the Religious Reich take over the party. That was Ronald Reagan's big contribution to life in these United States of America.

Oh yeah, I'm also not a Christian and have never claimed to be.  I support the separation of Church and State, not because I am anti-religion.  Quite the contrary.  Separation of Church and State is supposed to protect BOTH the Church AND the State.  If we ever let religion creep into our government we'll be very sorry in a very short amount of time, as one point of view will become dominant and all others marginalized, maybe even outlawed.  Do you really want the Baptists to set state policy?  The Catholics?  Mormons?  Any church that isn't yours?  Because you probably already disagree with them, but right now you can ignore them if you want to.  If they're in charge you don't really have that option.

And I seem to have gotten a bit off-track, so...

Since the '80s we've seen our personal freedoms slowly stripped away by the conservatives, the people who were, traditionally, opposed to any government interference in people's day-to-day lives. I guess ol' Ronny showed 'em the error of their ways. And now his party has enhanced his legacy, tearing down the constitution, taking away rights, violating others, listening in on phone conversations, intercepting mail, hacking into computers and websites -- including my old website, Extra Padding -- and, in general, turning this country into the very thing they claimed to fear so much for so long, a police state.

Didn't we defeat the Nazi's back in World War II?  Or am I mistaken about that?

I supported Gerald Ford in the 1976 election. He would have been a better president than Jimmy Carter.  I'm sure there's a bear riding a tricycle in a circus somewhere that would be a better president than Jimmy Carter, but still, Ford would have been an excellent choice, even if he didn't know the first thing about Poland.

I supported Clinton in '92 and '96, and I'd do it again.  That was the single greatest period of economic growth and prosperity in the history of mankind.

And so I laughed out loud last week when I heard first one of McCain's lackeys and then a reporter on FoxNews say that the current economic down slide (free fall, perhaps?) was caused by Clinton's mistakes in the '90s.  This is the same blame-game Bush was playing when he told the country we were in a recession in the late '90s... and the country believed him!  He just made it up to get elected.  He got elected telling people bad news!  And now that he's been in the White House for eight years he's had plenty of time to make his wet dream come true; we ARE in a recession!  And he put us there.  And he was aided by all the Republican yes-men in both houses of Congress.  And that includes McCain.

I love this country and the people in it.  I'm a patriot.  I support our soldiers, and I do so more than McCain, who voted against buying the troops the proper body armor they need to fight the pointless war in Iraq.  I love this country, and I'd like to stay here instead of being forced to pay higher and higher taxes like I have been doing for the past eight years, while corporate America gets a break.  I love this country, and I'm with Biden on this point; the next guy who tells me I'm not a patriot because I'm not a Republican is liable to get punched in the face.  Hard.

To All the Football Morons in Alvarado, Texas

I have something to say to all the football morons in Alvarado, Texas. I never played the game myself, and yet I know more about it than many of the players on most high school and some college teams. And I make an attempt to put this knowledge to good use whilst enjoying America's game. Alas, it's an exercise in futility.

I am Psycho the Clown.

Here's the situation: Our team, the Alvarado Indians, has the ball. It's third down and seven on their own 30 yard line, and they're behind by one touchdown at the end of the third quarter. You got that? So the quarterback steps up behind center, starts to call the play...

Suddenly the crowd erupts into ear-splitting cries of "AWW-FENCE"-clap-clap-"AWW-FENCE"-clap-clap! And they are being led by both the cheerleaders and the rest of the football team who are standing on the sidelines.

I promise I'm not making this up.

And the band joins in, and people are stomping their feet on the bleachers... it's just about as much as I can take without throttling someone, especially when the tight end or a wide receiver jumps early because he couldn't hear the quarterback.

How many brain cells do you need to figure out you're supposed to be quiet when your own team has the ball, make a bunch of noise when the other team has the ball. There's actually a term for this: It's called

H O M E F I E L D A D V A N T A G E !

But no, our team has to be crippled by the home crowd, and crippled by their own team members on the sidelines. Sometimes, when they play games at the other team's field, our crowd still does this, but at least they get some help from the other side of the field... hmmm... I'm trying to find some humor in all this, but I think it got by me somehow. It's just lame.

Like I said, I never played the game. I've probably watched more games in the last three years than most people will see in a lifetime, and I can dissect them with ease. I helped my son with his technique when he was playing defensive end in the seventh grade, mostly because his coach that year seems to have only been aware of the position by rough description. I've spotted a blitz before the offensive unit broke their huddle.

And I go to our high school football games to support the team, and support the band, but at times it gives me a headache to sit there and watch the insanity around me. I think I need to be tranquillized for the next home game.